i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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