oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
