I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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