the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
