he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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