i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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