Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
