Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
