I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
