I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
