shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
