We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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