I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
