I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
