I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
