Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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