the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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