I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
