but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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