I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
