why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
