You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
