why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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