Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
