I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
