yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
