It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
