i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
