worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
