So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
