I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
