I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
