his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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