Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
They are going to name an STD after you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
