When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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