I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
