do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
