Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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