How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
