Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
