He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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