bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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