Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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