it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
