At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize