Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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