Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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