Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
