Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
