i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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