I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
