I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
