does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
