What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
