drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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