and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
