I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
