God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
