if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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