She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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