I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
