So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's like heaven, but drunker
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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