Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
