He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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