I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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