Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's great music for shaving your balls
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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