So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
