Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
