i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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