It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
