Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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