I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
