i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
