I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
