The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
