Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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