I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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