Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
