And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
