His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
