Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my being single is dangerous.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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