so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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